My Last & Final Post.

It was never easy. It took bitter screams, agonizing cries, but I eventually got there. I finally made it. I finally let Him have me all to Himself.
For many years He was reaching out, pursuing me, He was relentless. But I could never seem to unshackle myself from the bondage and chains. I went through it, I lived solely for myself and could never satisfy my thirst and hunger. My stomach was bottomless and I consumed anything I could to curve my ferocious appetite. I thought I was a free bird, but little did I know my wings were never spread. Empty, aimless, and searching for what I was blind to the entire time. I was helpless, like a lamb amongst a hungry pact of wolves.
There, it was my first love, He was there in the beginning, subtle whispers, gentle reminders. I surrendered. I SURRENDER.
There, I was swept up, every chain, every shackle was broken and crushed. My love set me free. My love opened my wings and breathed life back into me. It was Jesus, my sweet Jesus, beautiful King of kings. The mighty Messiah, Yeshua the Christ.
It was never me, it was never the world, it was always Him. I didn't even have to look for Him, He never left my side. In the darkest of times, in the scariest of moments, He was always by my side.
Little did I know, when I fell in love with Jesus; the rest of things would fall into place. When I let Him have me all to Himself, He gave me all I needed and provided me with all the things I didn't even know my spirit desired.
Now that I have You, I will never let You go.

And when I made you the Lord of my heart, You gave me a prince. A son of the mighty King. And together, we love You. Together; we worship You. Together; we will run to You.

11/11/14

When you realize how truly sad it is that the time was wasted, there is a sense of anger that arises. How could something that felt so right end up truly being so wrong? It is difficult to decipher what part is the saddest; is it the time that was wasted or the beauty that went ugly? I can’t even bring myself to miss you because every time I do, the memories of every burning moment flow through my mind like a tidal wave washing away every happy thought I ever had with you.

It is hard to believe what it all came down to. I am not sure if it was your true colors that came out in the end, or if it was what became of you because of me.

Did I turn you into the monster? Or was it really who you have been all along…

If I could relive it all over again, I would have never let it go as far as it did. I would have done it all so differently and it kills me inside knowing I put up with it. But I sometimes think if I did it differently, it would not have ended the way it did. Maybe I could have solved it all to prevent the chaos we became. The toxic sickness, like two leaches just sucking the life out of one another.  Nothing good could have come from what we had. But who is to say that it wasn’t good in the beginning. We will never know what could have been if we did things differently. I guess time didn’t agree with us, because it surely was not kind. It was far from being in our favor. It did everything it could to pull us apart. Time tried with all of its might to rip me away from your grasp until I could not hold on any longer. The entire world was set on keeping us away from one another and it did not give up until it had its way. It was me who walked away in the end and I always thought it would be you. For every time you threatened to leave, I knew one day you would. I was wrong.

You always said it was me, you always said it was my fault; but in the end I now seem to understand it was just your way of saying you could not handle me. You could not take it but you were too scared to walk away. You were too afraid you would lose the happiness you thought you had with me. But I believe it was just a false sense of peace you kept with having me to call your own.

We started as two souls dancing together under the moonlit sky next to the waves. We kissed beneath the shooting stars and collided into the midnight waters. We loved in a way we could never seem to explain. But it was who I was inside that made you become crazy. You never did like the truth beneath my skin, because you always tried to mask it, change it, and morph it into exactly what you wanted. I tried to be that girl; I tried to be everything you ever wanted in a companion. I could never be just that, there was always something more. You knew I was just a free bird trying to roam the skies with no worry and no care. You knew I was chasing the Holy Spirit and running after His heart. You could never take that from me and I think that is what drove you to madness. I always knew you were bitter and cynical, I always knew you saw nothing more to life than what was tangible. But I thought I could take that from you. In the end we were never what we wanted. We were simply just never meant to be.

Can You Imagine?

Can you imagine, if instead of us following the system of "eye for eye and tooth for tooth" we prayed for every person who wronged us? If we could master the art of loving and forgiving those who have persecuted us, what would the world look like? We have to rise up and above our broken culture and remove ourselves from the worthless pursuits it magnifies in our daily lives. Can you imagine the change that would sweep over our nation?


"Let your supernatural love come out Jesus, Lord God. Let broken human hearts come into repentance, come to change, come to salvation, come to relationship with You, God, because of the power of Your supernatural love. Father I ask, God, that You would make us like revolutionaries that could follow in the footsteps of men and women that let love overcome hate, God, that let peace overcome violence. Lord Jesus, I ask that You’d make us revolutionaries that will truly kill all evil and all demonic oppression with the kindness of the love of Jesus, God. Let Your love come right now father, let Your love come right now like a mighty flush."

-Sleeping Giant

Check out my store!

http://www.etsy.com/shop/Mamooshii

<3 Just trying to make a few extra dollars while being a full-time student in college.

Box of Embellishments

This was given to me as blank, plain wood. This is what I made out of it. It has many different compartments that are great for storing small items like embellishments. Keeps them very organized as well.

Untitled.

One of the hardest things, in my opinion, is watching someone you love more than yourself or anything else suffer... and not being able to help. What can you do? The pain it brings keeps a person so uneasy, feeling so helpless.

Pretty Shrooms

Mushroom pendant with stones, on a velvet fitted necklace.
Available here: . https://www.etsy.com/listing/158248378/twinkling-shroom-necklace?ref=shop_home_active

Pretty Flower

Another woodcut, this time a flower. Also painted with acrylic and glitter.

Sunshine Wood

This is a woodcut sunshine that is painted with acrylic and glitter.
I am quite satisfied with this one.

Restoring Some Faith in Humanity

Yesterday I was at the hair salon where my mom works talking to my professor from last semester, my mom has been doing her hair ever since I finished her class. She's pretty much the coolest professor I have ever had, but anyways.. 

The three of us were talking about what classes I am taking next semester and how I am taking an extra class instead of the usual so the tuition is going to be a tiny bit higher. Basically my mom was just telling her that I might have to drop one class because tuition is due soon and she might not be able to cover it. Well there was a woman at the station behind my mom's and she was getting her nails done. Apparently she overheard the conversation because this morning when my mom got to work this is what she found on her station:

With this piece of paper there was a check that will cover half of my tuition.

The thing is, I have never met this woman in my life. My mom doesn't even know her. She went to such an extent for a family she knows nothing about. 

I can not be any more grateful.